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sheila was my friend and i love her and miss her greatly. sheila died on easter day. official word is accidental overdose of pain medicine. i know different. sheila killed herself. she could not take the physical and emotional pain that she lived with daily. sheila had constant back pain from an accident she was in. she was to have surgery on april 13th. sheila suffered from depression. depression is an illness that could kill you and did kill sheila. sheila was also a survivor of child sexual abuse. at this time she was working on some of her abuse issues. the emotions this raised caused a lot of emotional pain.
sheila was 35 years old when she died. she liked dreamcatchers and music. there might be more things but i'm sorry to say that i didn't know sheila very long. she also liked her computer. it was an old one and she put a lot of money and love into upgrading it. she wanted to make a webpage after she saw mine. sheila liked to sing. she had a beautiful voice. i always wished that i could sing like that. sheila loved people and liked to help them. she took in a teenage mother with her baby. things didn't work out but she loved that baby. she had a big heart. sheila helped me through some very dark periods in my life. she even saved my life once. i also suffer from depression. i have tried three times to kill myself. sheila's death taught me a lesson. i will not attempt suicide again. i will not put anyone through the pain i am now experiencing. if i get that depressed again, i will reach out to anyone and everyone that i can. this is a promise and i intend to keep it.
concerns of sheila's that she and i talked about the last two weeks of her life. i knew they added to her depression, but until now i did not know how much
a letter that i wrote to sheila after hearing the news of her death.
if you are suicidal or contemplating suicide, i understand the pain that you are in. i may not know what's causing the pain, but i know that kind of pain. your pain can go away with help. i can't imagine the pain i am feeling now at my friend's suicide will ever go away. do you have family or friends? think about them. think about your pain. now think about this same pain but 10 times worse. do you want them to feel that way? i have 3 wonderful sons. one time i got to the point in my depression that i thought they'd be better off without me. that scared me and i told someone. she told me to picture these boys standing by my casket and really look at the agony in their faces. now i want you to do that. i'm sure you have at least one person that cares about you. don't say there isn't anyone. i've said the same thing. picture that person. can you honestly put that person through that? i am not a doctor or a therapist. i am only a person that has been there and that cares.
if you are suicidal go here now!!!
if you still want to kill youself, call a local suicide help line. you can find it in the yellow pages. in mine it is right inside the front cover. here you can find hotline phone numbers for all 50 states and Canada. otherwise call 911. don't wait and hope you get out of it. i've been there. if you wait, it gives, what i call the beast, more time to work on you.
if you are contemplating suicide, below are some great resources to help you get control of your life back.
The Apocalypse Suicide Page roger is a dear friend of mine and has saved my life. because of him i have chosen life.
Suicide Crisis Center Helping You Believe You Can Feel Good Again
The Samaritan's Home Page If you are in crisis and need to talk to someone.
seek out help now before it's too late!!! do this for you and nobody else. you are worth it. there are always better days to come. i have to believe this and so do you.
thank you sheila for bringing a little sunshine into my life and letting me call you friend.
This page is member of the Survivors of Suicide Web Ring (SOSR)
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